Faith that Moves Mountains…and heals bodies

Wednesday morning I went to one of the boarding schools where we have been doing ministry. When I got there, I inquired where Constance was. Constance is a 15 year old girl that the Lord has unmistakably put in my life and my family’s life. When my mom came here a few weeks ago, she had the chance to spend some time with Constance while she was sick. Since then my mom and dad have been praying about sponsoring her and finally decided that they will. During the past few weeks I have been able to spend several afternoons a week with Constance playing sports, doing relays, and just having fun. For about a month now Constance has been sick and had been diagnosed with Typhoid, Malaria, and an upper respiratory infection, all of which were misdiagnoses. So when I didn’t see her with all the other school children, I became concerned. One of the other girls told me that she was in the dorms and was sick. I found her in a dark room full of bunk beds. She was clearly very ill and not her normal bubbly self. 

I took her to the local doctor where I also took Vivian a few weeks ago  (You know it’s a bad thing when the accountant at the doctor asks you what your name is simply because he has noticed that you have been coming regularly). I had her tested for TB and Malaria. When the doctor asked about HIV, Constance said that she had been tested before and it was negative. I asked if she was sure and suggested that maybe we test again just to be sure and have it in her records. The doctor agreed but said that it was Constance’s decision to make since I was only her caretaker, not a parent. Constance agreed that it would be a good thing to test just as a precaution. After doing the blood work and waiting for some time, the doctor called us back into the room. Malaria and TB tests came back negative. HIV test came back positive. I was shocked and thought I had misunderstood the doctor with her accent. My eyes darted back and forth from the doctor to Constance as I tried to read the expressions on their faces to see if I had heard right. After one glance at Constance I knew I had heard the doctor correctly. Constance’s eyes were glazed over and she was completely stunned. What had just been a precautionary test to back up previous ones conducted had now resulted in life-altering and devastating news. She was shocked and overwhelmed and so was I. I tried to comfort her as we both held back tears. I had to keep telling myself that I had to be strong for her. How was I supposed to comfort her if I let her see how this news was more than I could comprehend or process at that moment?

The rest of the day was spent going to and from different doctors to get tests done. She had been sick for about a month because the HIV had suppressed her immune system, allowing her to slowly form a bad case of pneumonia, which is what the latter tests ended up revealing. She clung to me for the rest of the day. I cannot even imagine how she was feeling. How does a girl with no family (at least family that cares) process and handle the news that she has HIV?

Allen, Sherry and I prayed over Constance. Allen and Suzanne both prayed that God would heal Constance and cleanse her blood. During the prayer, my own blatant disbelief caught me off guard and deeply troubled my soul. Throughout the rest of the day, I struggled to believe that God could really heal her and cleanse her blood of HIV if he wanted to. I wrestled with God. I wanted so desperately for her to be healed, but I lacked the faith that the God of the Old Testament was still able and willing to perform healing miracles in this day and age and especially in a situation so personal and visible for me to witness. I am broken and burdened over my lack of faith. For the first time, instead of judging Peter, I really related to him when I thought of the story in the Bible where he sank into the water, because he did not have full faith in Jesus.

Simply praying for a miracle to happen is a radically different thing from praying for the Lord to perform a miracle and then believing and expecting it to happen. Maybe this is a very simple and obvious statement which you have learned many years ago, but the Lord revealed this truth to me and it was a painful process of me yet again being brought face to face with my sin which is so distasteful and insulting to my Lord. I thank Jesus for his grace which never fails and which covers over all my sin when I come to him and repent. Jesus proved himself almighty in my life Wednesday by convicting me of my doubting and lack of faith and by finally giving me the faith that he will indeed heal Constance’s body completely if it is his will. I am still waiting to see if this will be his will for Constance or not, and I trust, I really do trust that his will is best, whether she be healed or not.